LETTER TO THE SPIRIT OF MONEY

Hi money, how have you been doing? I hope you are doing very well.

I know we have parted ways sometimes, but I have come here, through these words to make amendments with you.

Maybe I have been taught the wrong way from my parents how to deal with you.

I saw my mother wasting money and buying without ever making a budget, but I also remember her doing everything in her power so we could have some good stuff. But, please money, do understand, she suffered from a disease called bipolar disorder, so, on her over confident periods she got rid of all the money, and I never understood where it went, and on her depressed state she was never able to make an account of it.

I saw her taking loans from the bank over and over again and also selling live stock for lower prices just to pay the monthly bills. She was wrong. And so was I by doing similar behavior like that. I´ll change, but please, I´ll need your help and comprehension.

 I also know that my mother was very intelligent and hardworking and that she did all that she could for us. But maybe I have learned how to deal with you money, my dear friend, the wrong way. So please forgive me and see my efforts of becoming better at handling your energy.

I also may have learned the lessons from my father the wrong way. I understand now. He has had a difficult childhood money related, never having enough of it. He had to make his way through. But he also may have gotten it the wrong way. At first he was very cheap, denying us kids of the little childhood pleasures like candy or other little stuff. But then I think he got guilty and gave us expensive unnecessary gifts. I also still see him giving away lots of money to lots of people.

I know better now, his guilty should never have been in use of my needs. I should always find my own way with you, money, my friend and I should not feel guilty when I use you. But, most definitely, I know now how your energy works. I know that I have to take good care of you, that I have to plan where I spend you. But I also know that your energy must flow so I have to let go of you sometimes. It is hard for me to understand these concepts put together, to plan, to keep, to make you grow, to put you to good use and also to let it go sometimes, but I am starting to grasp it.

So please money, I hope you understand. And I sincerely hope we get better together for I´ll most definitely treat you the right way from now on.

Yours sincerely

Your Friend Marco Ferrão. 

Positive Outcomes

I wanna share two positive outcomes of not drinking.

Last Friday night I had a major craving. It had been 13 days of dryness. But also, I had the habit's triggering.

Every Friday I would play the accoustic guitar and have a couple of IPAs.

I had to lock myself at home and almost did not play to handle the craving. All I wanted was to go out and get those two bottles of beer....

Well, it did pay off. 

On Saturdays I have Beach Tennis practice. 

I played for three and a half hours, non stop, never leaving the court but for some water. 

I felt great. I wasn´t as tyred as I used to be. Just naturally worn out because of the intense exercise. 

Another bright side is that I won most of the matches I played and was complimented a lot for having improved my game....

The other positie outcome was SEX!

Oh yeah baby.

I have been married for more than 11 years and things have naturally cooled down.

On Sunday my daughter was playing with her grandmother at the playground and I seized the opportunity to approach my wife. 

To my surprise, this time I got lucky.

And, she got hungry. She wanted more of it. She said my smell was different when I was drinking (although I would never have sex drunk), and now she felt more sexualy attracked to me....

Life is better now, for sure. 

The Beer Log

 I was never aggressive or really changed my behavior when drunk.

The truth is, I was.

There was this argument once with my wife, I don´t even remember what was the reason but I clearly remember her saying she did not find me in a bar and that she didn´t want a drunk husband.

Most of the time I wasn´t aggressive when drunk, but I did not want to get thinks worse. So I conditioned myself into being calm when drinking.

The other side of it was that I ended up being moody when not drinking.

Also I was indeed moody when drunk, but I isolated myself so no one would see it or be affected by it.

On my wife´s argument. I ended up finding myself one counter argument. She did find me in a barbecue at her friends and I really was drinking. Mather of fact, I drunk on all of our first dates  and would drink in all of her family gatherings. She was right, I shouldn´t behave as a stupid drunk. But, our social surroundings is full of drinking opportunities. I was, in a way, a mere product of the environment. 

Major Craving

After finally been able to stay away from beer for more than 10 days in a row I thought I was home free. 

Today the thought of giving up and going for a drink hasn´t left my mind. 

Yet another proof of the dark side and addiction efects of alcohol. 

Decided to hang on and do absolutely nothing (won´t go out or play the guitar). 

Will not drink today, but never thought it would hit me this hard after so many days.